For the past couple of weeks, I have been struggling with a particular communication skill which encompasses not only validating the feelings of another individual but also not defending myself in a manner of fight, explaining and giving reason for my choices and decisions that are contrary to what someone else would have me do. Complicated, I know. At least for me, it is.
As I have been pondering and contemplating the struggle and desirous for direction and guidance that can better help me improve my dialogues with others to be more peaceful and calm and so others are not on the defensive or feel attacked by me, I have sought guidance in a number of ways including listening to inspirational messages and podcasts.
Today, I received inspiration in the power of “I”. “I will get back to you in a few minutes”, “As soon as I finish this, I will assist and help you”, “After I get dressed, I will give you my undivided attention”, “I appreciate and thank you for your concern for my well-being, I desire improvement and will care for myself in the way that I know is best for me”, “As soon as I finish brushing my teeth, I’ll be right with you”. These “I” statements allow me to respect and care for myself and my needs as well as show my concern for others.
I have felt stepped on because I have allowed others to step on me. When I have been asked to pause or stop what I’m doing to give to another in the middle of my doing something for myself (getting dressed, concentrating on listening to a speaker in a meeting, keeping track of counting out whatever or measuring out ingredients while cooking/baking, etc.) and I stop at their request, I have felt anger and resentment and that others lack consideration for what I’m doing and where I am at in that moment in time and I have quickly responded with a tone of hurt and frustration.
I desire to be more mindful and aware of myself and how to protect myself so as not to move to those negative emotions but to speak to and address the needs that I have to care for myself as well as being available to care for the needs of others without losing myself in the process.
As I contemplate this inspiration I have received, I feel excitement that I can do better and yet trepidation that in the moment to perform I will fall short. My prayer is that I will implement what enlightenment I have received and I am hopeful and prayerful that it will make a difference in those dialogues that I have felt discouraged when they have turned sour.
I know I cannot change others, but I can change myself and as I have sought prayerfully to know how I can do that, it is a tender mercy this inspiration has come to me. So rather than feel uptight when a call comes in to break me away from what I am doing in the immediate moment and feel the anxiousness of taking the call right away, placing someone else’s urgency above taking care of myself, I can respond via text, “I will call you back in a few minutes”.
I think of a quote that was on a secretary‘s desk in college that stated, “an emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” When in the middle of a thought or doing something to care for myself and I am approached to stop what I’m doing to give to another, I can in that moment share, “I’ll be with you in just a moment” or I can put up my pointer finger indicating one second so that I don’t experience irritation for stopping in the middle of what I’m doing, but properly caring for myself as well as acknowledging the other individual and that I will be with them momentarily.
In that regards it is a win-win as I take care of myself then I can turn my attention to and care for the needs of others. I am important and they are important and there are times where I don’t need to set myself aside temporarily or indefinitely, but I’m able to tend to my needs and attend to their needs in a fashion that respects both parties. Similar to the concept that without oxygen for myself I cannot assist and help someone else in giving them oxygen.
On numerous occasions, I have felt bullied. I have given in to a strong pull to set aside and move away from caring about my needs to caring for another’s needs. I have allowed and empowered them to step on me and push me around so to speak. With an “I” statement, I believe it will empower me to no longer put aside my needs and feel bullied, and it will help others know that I care for them as much as I care for and respect myself.
When have you struggled for a period of time desirous for situations, that have left you discouraged and heartbroken, to improve and have sought guidance and direction and received enlightenment for something that you could do for yourself that could make a difference in your interactions with others?
tendermercym♥ments~jld