Come To Know The Why

With my intense anxiety on slick roads, being in a solid, secure vehicle with suitable tire traction for the projected conditions was a singular, come to know the why moment, a reason, if you will, our car randomly stopped working. 

Have you ever asked yourself these questions, silently or out loud, “Why do bad things happen to good people?! Why did this happen to me?! Why did this happen for me?!” Though the answers may remain a floating question, without an answer and elusive at times, other times you may, to a degree, come to know the why, the reason for the reason. One such time for me came the weekend of my dad’s unexpected passing. 

Each morning, after I drop off my youngest at school, I will back into a parking spot until about 15 minutes beyond the school start time, as vehicles coming and going can get pretty congested and crazy, which in turn spikes and intensifies my anxiety. While I wait out the time for a bit, I’ll turn off the car to conserve gas and either attend to various tasks on my phone, read a physical book, or listen to a podcast. 

On this particular Thursday morning, upon ready to head back home, as I turned on the car, it would not start. A slew of flashing lights appeared on the dashboard. Not only that, it was as if the car lost its grounding and was slipping away. It felt like the car was moving forward. Even with my foot on the brake pedal, I was concerned about the car rolling into the parked car in front of me, so I applied the emergency brake as well, which seemed to do nothing at all. 

Not knowing what was going on, I straightaway pulled out the dealership manual from the glove box to figure it out, and still, with no idea how to solve for what was going on, I reached out to my husband who came to my assistance. We ended up leaving the car in the school parking lot. Once home, I called the dealership and learned it was likely the battery. My husband returned to the school and jumpstarted the car, alone a tender mercy I had backed into the parking spot, and the car then sat in our garage, undriveable for several days before the proper installation of a new battery could take place. In the meantime, it was a tender mercy we had a backup vehicle to drive, a truck in particular.  

The next evening as my husband and I had just finished a dinner date, I received a text from one of my siblings that I was processing as we were leaving the restaurant. I wasn’t sure what to make of the message, if it was for real or not. We did not travel far before I elected we stop and pull into a gas station and I shared with my husband the message, “not sure if dad will make it through the night”. The validity of the message left me up in the air as to what to do. Though uncertain, as I had no preliminary knowledge of my dad being physically unwell, I decided it would be better to go see him than not. 

It was a tender mercy not only that the gas station we had stopped at was right next to the interstate that traveled directly up to my dad’s residence, but also that we were in the truck the evening of the first winter storm advisory of the season. With my intense anxiety on slick roads, being in a solid, secure vehicle with suitable tire traction for the projected conditions was a singular, come to know the why moment, a reason, if you will, our car randomly stopped working. 

Upon reaching my dad and visiting with him and getting updates from my siblings, I learned that one and half weeks earlier, my dad was vibrant, vivacious, and energetic, and it was shared that he could live another 20 years. And then, just like that, over a one week span, his bill of health declined. Though his physical appearance looked frail, he was coherent in conversation and mentally cognizant of his surroundings. As the evening hour waned and my dad expressed desire to rest, my optimistic self believed he would make a full recovery, which carried me through the night as my husband and I returned back to our home. 

The next morning I received a call from a sibling that had stayed with my dad through the night and attended to his care. As he observed my dad’s suffering in the early morning hours, before daybreak he took him to a hospital emergency room, upon where my dad passed the moment he was wheel-chaired inside. 

As my mom, no longer married to my dad, and many of my siblings were gathered around my dad’s emergency room bedside until they moved him to the morgue in the basement of the hospital, it was decided that we would all go back to his tiny apartment and move his minimalistic belongings from his place to one of my sibling’s place who lived nearby. The question was asked if anyone had a truck. Though a very surreal moment that my dad had in fact passed away, it was a tender mercy, with our car inoperable, my husband and I had come up in the truck. 

When our car randomly stopped working, I had no idea that two days later my dad would unexpectedly pass away and that being in the truck would be a tender mercy. In addition, my receiving the message and being with and conversing with my dad the night before he passed was a blessed tender mercy

As the weekend unfolded, I had come to know the why, the why my reliable car, without warning, had faltered a couple of days prior. 

When have you come to know the why something undesirable happened “for you”, which, the occurrence, in and of itself, was a provided tender mercy?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

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