While being spoken to by another, I took offense to how I thought they perceived me. I reacted with an escalated tone to defend my character of being a good and thoughtful person. In that moment, I messed up. Having been traumatized by what I assumed and believed they were saying, my heightened response triggered a reaction from them and our dialogue snowballed into a mode of each person protecting and defending oneself.
I felt a deep hurt and pain for hours and struggled to reconcile the variance in what I heard them saying versus what I was told were their actual words. As I turned my focus and attention on the other to see where they were coming from, I felt sadness and sorrow that I had not sought the true nature of their words and more so frustrated and upset that I took offense and reacted.
For some time, I’ve been working on not taking offense to what I have felt as negative attacks, jabs, teasing, joking, sarcasm, and harsh criticism towards me from others as personal. And, when I’ve been presumably ridiculed, I have strived to maintain my dignity and composure when I respond and own what is mine—my thoughts and my actions.
When the skills and tools I’ve learned and have worked hard to implement and apply to best respond when I felt attacked came crushing down in an instant, I was devastated. I was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of despair for what was no longer a feeling of love, peace, and connection. When I tried so much to do it right and still did it wrong, I felt shattered.
Over time, after repeatedly owning my response and reaction and apologizing, it was a tender mercy I was told I was forgiven. Upon hearing those words, I was surprised I felt a stillness. It was also a tender mercy when one of my children observed my sadness and they brought me a flower to cheer me up.
When have you tried so hard to do and be better in an area of individual development and you were devastated and felt shattered after falling short and comforting words and an act of kindness from another picked you back up?
tendermercym❤️ments~jld
“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”
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