Category: Marriage

Letting Up On My Self-Induced Stringent Schedule

In letting up on my self-induced stringent schedule, I experienced a peace I did not know I would feel.

Over the last several months, normalcy of life has changed. Even so, as I stuck to my same ongoing rigid schedule by when I have wanted a very specific daily task completed, I began to feel constrained and limited from what more I could be doing during the day. A focus on this task set for the same time each evening weighed heavily on my mind until I realized it was not necessary to continue to keep that time fixed so tightly. In letting up on my self-induced stringent schedule, I experienced a peace I did not know I would feel.

This set schedule originated as a result of my many hours spent carpooling, running errands, and attending meetings throughout the day while my kids were at school and being unable to complete the task any sooner. Yet, wanting it completed before our family returned home from school and work, I designated a certain time that was the same each day in the early evening by when to have it done.

When the stay-at-home order due to COVID-19 went into effect and my kids began distance learning from home, even though my activities outside of the home decreased substantially and my day was now not as filled up in the same way, I continued to maintain the same designated time for to complete the specific daily task. In doing so, I began to feel a heaviness weighing on me over the course of the day as I was constantly thinking about this daily action item I still had left to do. It was a tender mercy I realized I was placing this enormous weight and strain on myself unnecessarily and putting off for later what I now had time to complete sooner. 

As I let up on my self-induced stringent schedule and took care of the task at whatever time it worked to do so rather than wait for the designated time set by me, it freed up my day tremendously. I have felt lighter, more joyful and productive with the openness of what more I have thus been able to do each day. 

This moment brought me back to 24 years ago and reflecting on a set schedule I had in regards to marriage. 

Due to my parent’s marriage ending in divorce while I was in college, I was not anxious to get married very quickly as statistically the odds increased of my marriage ending the same way. I set a parameter for myself, which made logic sense at the time, that I had to date a potential spouse for at least nine months before even considering marriage. I felt that would be adequate amount of time to really get to know someone. Because I did not want the same thing as divorce to happen in my marriage, I was on the lookout for very specific red flags while dating.  

Within the first month of my husband and I dating, I had a couple of spiritual experiences regarding marriage for which I pushed aside and ignored because my plan was not to marry someone I had not known well enough within the timeframe I concluded was ideal. When he proposed to me six weeks after we met, I then understood why I had received the spiritual experiences when I did. It was to prepare me for a different plan than what I had set for myself. In fact, hours before he proposed, he was standing behind me in my college apartment while I was nonchalantly flipping through the pages of a bridal magazine on the living room coffee table having no interest and desire of getting married anytime soon. 

Upon him asking me to marry him a few hours after that moment, I reflected on those spiritual experiences and I said yes. We were married 6 months to the date after we met. Although the length of time from our first meeting one another to courtship to proposal to marriage was short, I knew that the timing of our marriage was right. We have been married almost 24 years now and all throughout as the bumps and hardships have come and gone amidst scores of bliss, I have continued time and again to feel the same peace and know that the timing for us was right. 

When have you let up on a stringent schedule you set for yourself and you felt a peace in doing so as well as it opened up wonderful opportunities for you?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published which includes an audio version of the posts as well, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.

Matter Of Fact Plan Of Action

When plans changed unexpectedly, I did not skip a beat as a revised matter of fact plan of action transpired.

When my original plan for getting our kids to school changed unexpectedly, I did not skip a beat as a revised matter of fact plan of action transpired. 

On this winter morning, once we were all in the car ready to go, I started it up and noticed the tire pressure light was on. At first, I assumed the light was indicating a decrease in tire pressure attributed to the cold 37 degree weather, but as I recalled a prior tire incident, I immediately felt inclined to walk around the car and quickly glance at each of the tires before driving away. 

In doing so, I saw that one of the back tires appeared low. While accessing the condition of the tire, it was a tender mercy that right at that time, my husband had just stepped out of the house to leave for work and observed what I was doing. He came over immediately to assist. As I knew I would not be able to go directly to a shop to get the tire repaired before getting my kids to school on time, right away, I knew what to do. I decisively and proactively, without hesitation, went into Plan B action mode. 

While my husband was using an air compressor to add air to the tire, I shared with him my matter of fact plan of action to take our younger kids to school in the car used by our teenage drivers who were not using it at the time. It was a tender mercy the car was available as a backup and the worries I would have had about the possibility of the low tire going flat at any point during the approximate one and a half hour roundtrip commute was alleviated. And, as there was a concern on this very cold day whether the heater in the backup car worked, it was a tender mercy it did and we were warmed up fairly quickly. 

Though I had plans to take our car in to have the tire repaired preceding a scheduled meeting I would be facilitating not long after returning home from dropping off our kids, after calling the shop and learning of the lengthy wait time, due to the tight time constraint, I once again moved forward with a revised matter of fact plan of action to instead go to the shop following my meeting and before picking up our kids from school. 

By that time, it was then early afternoon and over the course of several hours since my husband had added air to the tire, the tire pressure had dropped from 35 psi to close to 15 psi. Although I was quite nervous about the slow leak causing the psi to drop so significantly and worried if the low tire pressure would hold up long enough to get to the shop 20 minutes away, it was a tender mercy the tire was not yet altogether flat. 

In hopes of being able to make it to the shop without getting a flat, I attempted to fill up the tire using the air compressor, but I didn’t know how to use it and when I looked up a YouTube video for a demonstration, it wasn’t any help either. So, I placed the air compressor and an extension cord in the trunk of my car and prayed and prayed and prayed that first and foremost I would make it all the way to the shop without losing anymore air. And secondly, if I did lose more air, I was prepared and prayerful that someone along the way would be able to help me.

Before leaving our home, I examined the tire once again and saw where a heavy duty nail of sorts had become lodged in the tire. Despite my naivety of how physics works, I was hopeful and optimistic that as the tire rotated around and around while in route to the shop, the pressure on the nail as it butted up against the pavement over and over again would lock and seal any air from escaping till I got to the tire shop. 

Along the way, although I felt anxious, I tried really hard to keep my mind focused on trusting in the Lord and staying relaxed. It was a wonderful tender mercy that not only did I make it safely to the shop without getting a flat tire, it was super amazing where now that I only had 1 hour before I would need to leave to pick up my kids from school that a garage bay was open and available when I arrived and I was able to pull right in before several other customers came in following behind me and my tire, which was discovered to have also had a screw in it too, was fixed right away for a very minimal charge. 

All in all, it was a tender mercy that before leaving home to take our kids to school, I became aware of the tire that was low before it became a full-fledged flat tire.

When have you had an experience to which you became aware of a situation before it resulted in something more so problematic? And, when have you had plans change unexpectedly and you were able to proactively with decisiveness move instantaneously forward with a revised matter of fact plan of action? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.

Rescued From A Bad Dream

A good night’s sleep restored after a bad dream

After a long exhausting day, physically and mentally, I went to bed sooner than usual for me and well before my husband did. In part, my being so tired was attributed to my going to bed real late and getting up super early consecutively for days. 

With the start of a new school year for our children, I had not yet transitioned my sleep schedule accordingly. I was still maintaining the same night owl routine I had been on all summer long and now with school back in session and my weekday beginning before the crack of dawn to drive one of our children to early morning church seminary, I was feeling the toll on my body. With days of less than adequate sleep added to activities that required a lot of mental energy, on this night, in no time flat, as soon as I lied down, my eyes quickly closed and immediately I fell asleep. 

As my husband was settling into bed sometime later, he heard me breathing heavy and observed something was wrong. He gently and lovingly asked me if I was ok, to which I responded “No, I am Not”. I was terrified, sweating, and muttering words in my sleep. Once aroused and broken away from the awful dream, I thanked him for waking me up. It was a tender mercy he had still been awake at that time and rescued me from my panic induced state. 

Once removed and disengaged from the bad dream and prior to wanting to go right back to sleep without a re-occurrence, I prayed the bad dream would not return. I was extremely grateful for the tender mercy that although an image and recollection of what caused me to stir remained, the fear and trauma associated did not and I slept soundly and peacefully the rest of the evening. 

When have you been calmly rescued from a bad dream and while still very tired and desirous to be able to comfortably go back to sleep, after praying that the bad dream would not return, you were able to once again fall asleep right away and you slept soundly and peacefully the rest of the night?


tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

The Secret Ingredient Is Love

As my husband and I opened our Valentine’s Day card from each other, it was amazing how exact our messages and expressions of love were for the other when no coordinating between us took place.

From him I received a card, “BE MINE” and a container filled with chocolate chip cookie ingredients. When I asked which recipe I should use to make the cookies or if there was a recipe to go along with it, he replied, “The Secret Ingredient Is Love”. I smiled and verbalized my appreciation all the while I contained an explosion of joyful laughter I felt inside from becoming apparent. I held back my excitement until he opened up my card attached to a box of chocolates with the words “love” all over the outside and on the inside it read, “The Secret Ingredient Is Love”. He smiled and we both giggled together. It was pretty cool! 

Being on the same page, on the same wavelength as one another was a tender mercy. The love I felt for my husband when I picked out his card with the box of chocolates increased, magnified, and was of a greater immensity when his message was identical to mine. In that moment, I felt the gravity and strength of our love for one another in a more powerful way. The singleness of exchanging heartfelt cards with each other each year is always a sweet moment. This year was even sweeter as I felt a deeper connection and a gratitude for our love on our 23rd Valentine Anniversary. 

When has your love for another increased and magnified immensely after an uncoordinated identical message and expression of love for each other was exchanged with one another?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Running Behind Schedule

I was pretty confident I could upload a picture and tweak a few things to complete the finishing touches of a project in a 30 minute timeframe I had free before my night was about to begin with back-to-back activities from picking up a child from school, dropping them off at home with a family member, and then leaving immediately for an early evening movie date with my husband. I thought it was doable. Unfortunately, each change and addition when updated online, processed slowly. As I kept an eye on the clock, I was sure 30 minutes would have been enough time, including the 10 minute cushion I gave myself on top of the 30 minutes, but no, it was not complete for another 10 minutes, totaling 50 minutes.  

Being punctual to pick up my child from school and to meet up with my husband was very important to me. Choosing to be solely engaged in our dialogues and interactions with each other was even more important to me. I wanted to be with them, truly with them, not absent while present with my mind drifting away to the project. I knew if I didn’t complete it before I left, it would have been on my mind all night long until I got back to it, so I opted to wait until the updates were finished at which point I was then leaving later than I had intended and running behind schedule. 

Although the delay set me back and I was late getting to my child, it was a tender mercy that as I was leaving the school, the single lane I was in that allows vehicles to either turn left across a busy street or turn right and is typically backed up when trying to exit the school had cones placed preventing a left hand turn. A school police officer was directing all drivers to only make a right hand turn maintaining a nonstop flow of traffic. Happily, it was the direction I needed to go and I was able to be on my way back home with swiftness.

After arriving home, my husband and I quickly headed out hoping to get to the movie theater by showtime. Still running late and with construction along the way, it was another tender mercy that as we approached the section where the two lane road became a one lane road, alternating the northbound cars to pass through while the southbound cars waited and then the southbound cars passed through while the northbound cars waited, our lane of cars was given the go ahead to move forward without any delay or wait on our side. 

We arrived to the movie theater 6 minutes after the scheduled show time, yet it was another tender mercy that the previews were 25 minutes long so we did not miss any of the movie. Most importantly, it was a peaceful calm evening versus an agitated stressed mom/wife kind of night. With the project complete before I left the house, I was able to rest easy and relax the remainder of the evening turning my time and attention to each of my children as well as spending devoted, focused time with my husband enjoying our date night together.

When has a project you’ve wanted to complete taken longer than expected resulting in your running behind schedule to get to an important function(s) and though you arrived late, you felt relaxed and obstructions in your path were cleared and you did not miss any of the portion of the event you desired to see and attend most?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Brownies

Labor Day was rainy. Midway through the day, I was craving brownies and looked in our pantry for a brownie mix and we had none. Several hours later when there was a temporary break from the rain, my husband went to the store to get some groceries. When he returned home and I was putting the food away, I noticed the pre-made brownies he had purchased. I was ecstatic! He had no idea that earlier in the day I was wanting brownies. I had not told anyone. I thanked him multiple times. I was so happy.

When have you said nothing to anyone when you craved something you did not have and shortly thereafter you were brought that very treat?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

Katsudon Donburi

I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Japan over 20 years ago. One of my favorite dishes was Katsudon donburi. When I returned back to the USA, there was one time in college where I found this dish on the menu at a fast food restaurant near campus. That was the last time I’ve had it until now. I have remembered it from time to time and when I’ve had a craving for it, I’ve hung on to the memory of how good it tasted.

Every week, my husband and I go out on a date night and we rotate choosing a place to eat. A couple weeks ago when we were talking about where to go, my husband mentioned a Japanese restaurant that he had gone to with coworkers. It was a bit of a drive from our place and on that day I wanted to stay closer to home so we opted to go elsewhere. Several weeks later, we decided to go to the Japanese restaurant.

I was amazed with how long it had been since we had been to a Japanese restaurant and fond memories came to mind, how the meat was prepared and brought to our table. When we arrived, the street sign said it was a Japanese Sushi and Bar. I was concerned they would have no meat. I am not a seafood nor a sushi eater, however, when we got inside, sat down, and looked over the menu, I was excited! I saw Katsudon donburi on the menu and it took me back to my mission and the memories of that delicious dish.

Although it was prepared slightly different, for the most part it was what I remembered and it tasted great. I was so happy to be able to enjoy this meal after almost 20 years. The nostalgia and reminiscing my time as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Japan was a reflective, peaceful, and happy moment. I am ecstatic to now know a place that I can go to enjoy this tasty dish.

And to top it off, I was given a large enough portion that I could not eat it all in one sitting and brought half of it home for leftovers to eat the next day. Yum!

When have you enjoyed, once again, a dish you have not had in a very long time?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

Heartfelt Emojis


There was a moment in the day that it entered my mind to send a love emoji to my husband and so I did. I noticed that minutes prior, he texted me love emojis. Somehow I had missed his when they came through, however, I thought it was neat that within that same approximate time frame not only was he thinking about me, but I likewise, was thinking about him.

When have you had experiences and moments where within a small window of time almost simultaneously, if not simultaneously, you were thinking of someone you love and likewise they were thinking of you?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

 

Decompressing

I decompress by getting things off my chest whether that be sharing with my husband or a friend those things that are pressing on my mind and weighing on me, crying out loud to our Heavenly Father in private, or writing them down. And then, from there, enjoying a hobby like walking, reading, window shopping, playing boggle, watching an episode or two of a favorite TV series, or watching a movie.

The past two days I’ve been carrying a lot of weight resulting in anxiety and feeling tense and stressed.  I’ve had difficulty identifying the source until I openly spoke to my husband, while on our date night, what I was feeling and experiencing.  As I opened up, and he listened and shared some insight with me, my tightened chest started to relax and my shoulders loosened. That was the beginning of my being able to decompress.  The next morning, I felt much better after time conversing with my husband and an evening of relaxing and resting.

What do you do to decompress?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Holiday Excitement

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I love that my youngest loves doing special things for the holidays, from decorating to planning and preparing fun ideas. Today is no different. It is St. Patrick’s Day. I was awoken this morning with this child sharing an idea and asking permission if it would be ok to print off a cloverleaf, hide it, and then whoever found it could go into our designated birthday gift box for friends and family and pick out a gift. I loved the cool and awesome idea and said yes.

Thirty six hours earlier I was feeling a tad bit of stress not having really thought about what to do on St. Patrick’s Day. I, at the least, wanted to purchase green foods for that day, but was not looking forward to going to the store.

The evening before St. Patrick’s day as my husband and I were on our way home from a date night, it was a tender mercy we stopped by the store for something my husband needed. Although it was late and I was tired and had not planned to go shopping for food until the next day, I decided to go ahead and get the St. Patrick’s day items too since we were already in the store.

Shopping together with my husband for this occasion versus going to the store by myself was so much more fun. And, it is a huge blessing and a tender mercy to have a child who loves doing amazing things for every holiday as it alleviates stress from me to come up with ideas. I love it!

As a mom, I want to do fun things for my family on the holidays. My ideas were great when they were younger.  As they have gotten older, my ideas are half liked and half not liked so when the ideas come from them, there is greater involvement, participation, and excitement. And, there is less work and stress on me which I love. Allowing them to explore and share their skills and talents with our family is tremendous. I am incredibly happy watching them shine and showcase their personalities.

How have your child(ren)’s gifts and talents blessed you as a parent to ease your workload and responsibilities as well as increased joy in your home?

tendermercym♥ments~jld