Category: Prayer

The Power of “I”

For the past couple of weeks, I have been struggling with a particular communication skill which encompasses not only validating the feelings of another individual but also not defending myself in a manner of fight, explaining and giving reason for my choices and decisions that are contrary to what someone else would have me do. Complicated, I know. At least for me, it is.

As I have been pondering and contemplating the struggle and desirous for direction and guidance that can better help me improve my dialogues with others to be more peaceful and calm and so others are not on the defensive or feel attacked by me, I have sought guidance in a number of ways including listening to inspirational messages and podcasts.

Today, I received inspiration in the power of “I”. “I will get back to you in a few minutes”, “As soon as I finish this, I will assist and help you”, “After I get dressed, I will give you my undivided attention”, “I appreciate and thank you for your concern for my well-being, I desire improvement and will care for myself in the way that I know is best for me”, “As soon as I finish brushing my teeth, I’ll be right with you”. These “I” statements allow me to respect and care for myself and my needs as well as show my concern for others.

I have felt stepped on because I have allowed others to step on me. When I have been asked to pause or stop what I’m doing to give to another in the middle of my doing something for myself (getting dressed, concentrating on listening to a speaker in a meeting, keeping track of counting out whatever or measuring out ingredients while cooking/baking, etc.) and I stop at their request, I have felt anger and resentment and that others lack consideration for what I’m doing and where I am at in that moment in time and I have quickly responded with a tone of hurt and frustration.

I desire to be more mindful and aware of myself and how to protect myself so as not to move to those negative emotions but to speak to and address the needs that I have to care for myself as well as being available to care for the needs of others without losing myself in the process.

As I contemplate this inspiration I have received, I feel excitement that I can do better and yet trepidation that in the moment to perform I will fall short. My prayer is that I will implement what enlightenment I have received and I am hopeful and prayerful that it will make a difference in those dialogues that I have felt discouraged when they have turned sour.

I know I cannot change others, but I can change myself and as I have sought prayerfully to know how I can do that, it is a tender mercy this inspiration has come to me. So rather than feel uptight when a call comes in to break me away from what I am doing in the immediate moment and feel the anxiousness of taking the call right away, placing someone else’s urgency above taking care of myself, I can respond via text, “I will call you back in a few minutes”.

I think of a quote that was on a secretary‘s desk in college that stated, “an emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.” When in the middle of a thought or doing something to care for myself and I am approached to stop what I’m doing to give to another, I can in that moment share, “I’ll be with you in just a moment” or I can put up my pointer finger indicating one second so that I don’t experience irritation for stopping in the middle of what I’m doing, but properly caring for myself as well as acknowledging the other individual and that I will be with them momentarily.

In that regards it is a win-win as I take care of myself then I can turn my attention to and care for the needs of others. I am important and they are important and there are times where I don’t need to set myself aside temporarily or indefinitely, but I’m able to tend to my needs and attend to their needs in a fashion that respects both parties. Similar to the concept that without oxygen for myself I cannot assist and help someone else in giving them oxygen.

On numerous occasions, I have felt bullied. I have given in to a strong pull to set aside and move away from caring about my needs to caring for another’s needs. I have allowed and empowered them to step on me and push me around so to speak. With an “I” statement, I believe it will empower me to no longer put aside my needs and feel bullied, and it will help others know that I care for them as much as I care for and respect myself.

When have you struggled for a period of time desirous for situations, that have left you discouraged and heartbroken, to improve and have sought guidance and direction and received enlightenment for something that you could do for yourself that could make a difference in your interactions with others?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Package Arrived Early

As we were less than 2 weeks from leaving for our family trip, one of our children ordered some items on line.  The expected arrival was within 3 days before our departure. I prayed we would get them before we left and they came 4 days earlier than the provided range dates.  It was a relief and a comfort to have less to worry about prior to heading out on vacation.

Have you received a package earlier than expected when the timing was important to you?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Should I Shower Now Or Not

I was, no doubt, in need of a shower. I had hoped to have had one yesterday and that didn’t happen, so most certainly,  I needed and wanted a shower today.  As I was preparing to get in the shower, my daughter sent me a text message that she was heading off-campus for lunch. I worry when she is out driving. I want to be accessible to my children in the event that they need me in an emergency situation, so I was debating whether to shower then or wait till my daughter returned back to the school.

There are so many things that consume my mind with worry regarding my kids.  It is not unusual for me to put off doing what I need to do for myself when I’m concerned about their well-being.  I considered the unused time delaying what I could do for myself if I waited 20 to 30 minutes in limbo until I heard word that she had made it back to school.  As I contemplated and offered a simple prayer to know if I should shower now or not, I felt impressed to shower and take care of myself and everything would be ok.  I felt comforted and a peace of mind.

I am grateful today that a prayer I had in my heart asking Heavenly Father a question, “should I shower now or not”, I felt impressed to go ahead, shower, and everything would be ok.  In fact, everything was ok. It may seem small and silly, yet Heavenly Father knew it mattered to me and an answer right then and there was a blessing.

Have you ever been consumed with worry, so much so, that your taking care of yourself is halted for a time? What have you done to work through your worry and still care for yourself?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Restraint

From a distance, I observed a loved one making a choice that displeased me greatly. And it all began with a prompting. I was impressed to be in a certain place at a certain time. As I saw them, I was taken aback by a stark difference I noticed in their appearance. I did not know what to think. I was upset and in shock. My natural reaction was to become fired up and attack. I breathed and asked Heavenly Father, “since you prompted me to see the choice they are making and cross paths with this loved one at this time, what do you want me to do?” As I cooled down and relaxed, I heard, “say I Love You and nothing more.” The words lead me, guide me, walk beside me, came to my mind and I followed Heavenly Father’s lead. I needed and wanted to be shown the way.

The natural man reaction was set aside focusing on Heavenly Father’s knowledge of His child and I just wanted to listen and hear what he would have me do.  I thought about a story shared in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints General Conference April 2018. The sailor on the ship not only prayed for help, but acted by getting up and doing what he felt impressed to do.

For me, it was surreal to see a shift, a 180, in the character of this loved one. In one moment there was beauty and light to the next moment a fading of light. Processing what was happening was really hard.

Although I was solemn and felt sad to see the downward shift, I chose to move myself from a place of fury to a place of love. I felt impressed to take them lunch and knowing it would most likely catch them off guard and they may not be pleased to see me, I followed the prompting and witnessed up close, in person the change. There was nowhere for them to hide as I saw them before they saw me. The transformation was heartbreaking. I spoke softly and gently my love for them and shared that I did not want to see their light go away and then handed them the lunch.

I experienced first hand the tender mercy that no matter the choice they had made, it was possible for me to love and show forth love. In an instant, it quickly became clear to me that because of agency, the choice they made was theirs. As I acknowledged that we all learn at different times and in different ways, I also knew that changing ourselves is most effective when we make a decision to do better, not because someone else is telling us to but because we feel it deep inside our core.

At the close of the night I learned that because of my expressions of love when I brought them lunch, this loved one had a change of heart, a softened heart recognizing that the choice they made was theirs and theirs alone and it was hurting themself, altering who they could become and their divine potential. Love made all the difference.

When have you seen changes in a loved one that upset you and you were able to hold off the natural man to seek Heavenly Father’s direction and instead of fury, show forth love?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

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Delayed Flat Tire

One Saturday evening, our daughter attended a Latter-day Saints (LDS) Stake Youth Dance approximately an hour from our home. Although she would be driving out when it was daylight, she would be coming back home when it was dark. As she would be traveling alone, I was concerned about her being by herself if she had car difficulties or a flat tire, staying vigilant and aware of drunk drivers, paying attention and being mindful of her surroundings and her speed.

I was worried. At the same time, my daughter really really wanted the experience of driving the distance on her own. My husband did not feel uneasy or uncomfortable about her going. Through the phone locator app connecting us to our children’s physical location, he shared that if she got a flat tire or had other car troubles, then he would be able to go and assist her.

I considered my personal feelings and fears and whether or not the feelings were strong enough to say no or to give her the opportunity to drive by herself. I set aside my fears and provided my support. I felt confident she would arrive safely to her destination because she was traveling while it was still light, however, I was more concerned about her traveling alone at night and was nervous when I noticed the dark, windy, country path she was on when returning home. I prayed she would be ok and was relieved and grateful when she arrived home safely.

The next morning, I left for church a few minutes ahead of everyone else as I needed to be their 15 minutes earlier and I would be staying longer after church while one of our children attended a meeting. In route to church, I awaited their call when they were heading out to join them over the phone in family prayer. When I arrived at the church, I had not yet received a call that the family had left so I reached out to them and learned that when they came outside, they had noticed that the back rear tire of our daughter’s car was flat. Upon further examination, they saw a nail in the tire causing a slow leak. It was a tender mercy that the experience did not happen while she was driving on the dark country backroads the night before. I was grateful for the huge blessing that the tire did not go completely flat until in our driveway after she was home.

When have you been grateful you or a loved one were in a safe place, out of harm’s way, when car issues occurred?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

Rushed For Time

Due to a spontaneous delay, while one of my children and I were heading to school, there was no time to spare to arrive when the bell was scheduled to ring. Along the way, I was praying we would be able to arrive on time all the while obeying the law. I believe in miracles. It was a tender mercy my prayer was answered when we pulled up and my son entered the classroom just as attendance was being called. It was convenient and a huge blessing that his portable classroom was beside a parent/teacher parking lot and I was able to drop him off feet from his classroom door.

There are moments of unexpected, unplanned delays. Those things that matter to us also matter to Him, our Heavenly Father. As we seek Him through prayer with real intent and our will is aligned with His will, we are blessed. Miracles do happen.

Along the same lines,  I have experienced leaving for church with just the right amount of time needed to get from my house to the church to arrive promptly, barring no delays and maintaining the speed limit. My desire to leave early is thwarted at times, and instead I find myself running later than planned. Wanting to be on time, I pray for that desired outcome and it is a tender mercy when every light along the way is green. In the hustle and bustle, my heart was in the right place and I was blessed.

I recognize that there are those times that my desires do not align with His will because Heavenly Father has a different plan for me.

I recall a story I heard of when a classroom of college students went to take their final exam. They entered the room where they supposed their test would be given. On the chalkboard was a message with information to a new location. As the students scurried across campus to get to the test site on time, many were unaware of opportunities along the way to help and assist others. Unbeknownst to them, this was their test, to which they became aware of when they arrived at the new testing location. I have come to learn that there are delays that have a purpose and a reason and there are those that are unexpected such as traffic and construction. It is in those moments I contemplate how I can best manage those things outside of my control. I am grateful for those moments when I am in a hurry and I have been blessed to arrive at my destination on time. I am also grateful for the recognition and acknowledgment of those times when delayed, blessings were present then also, unseen in the moment, but felt and known, sometimes as a protection from potential danger.

What experiences have you had when you have been rushed for time and running late with a desire to be on time? In the end, were you on time? Did you recognize Heavenly Father’s help in blessing you with arriving on time? Maybe you had a flat tire, and someone stopped to help? Or, you were familiar with a faster path when your original path was under construction or blocked due to an accident? If you did not make it on time, what did you learn and recognize along the way?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Interruption Conflict

Have you ever been concerned about being interrupted when you are about to do something important and disruptions and distractions are not wanted or welcomed? You desire quiet focus or alone time. Maybe it is when you are going to the bathroom, dialoging with a friend or family member, making a business call, trying to remember an important detail like someone’s name before you introduce yourself to them, counting out change, measuring out ingredients for a recipe like cookies, bread, etc.

I had a moment like this recently, and these moments happen often. As a mother, wife, sister, and friend, I feel pulled in different directions and conflicted by this pull at times.

On a particular occasion, I was concerned prior to a conference call that a family member would reach out midway during the call. I was planning ahead and debating what to do if that happened. Do I remain on the conference call and not respond to the family member until after the call (text message “sorry, I can’t talk right now”) or be interrupted and take their call?

As the conference call began and prior to the main points of the day being addressed, during the hello and welcome, it was a tender mercy that it was then the family member reached out. I was extremely grateful that their call, to which I accepted, came in the beginning and lasted only a few minutes and I was able to get back on the conference call and not miss any of the important points that were brought up.

It was a tender mercy when a concern I had was resolved in a way that I was able to speak with the family member and also attend to the conference call. Both needs were met. A win win!

When have you experienced a similar win win moment?

tendermercym♥ments~jld