For so long it has bugged me when I hear my children speak unkindly and I feel like a broken record when I say, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Then one day, these inspired words entered my mind and came out of my mouth, “What can you say instead, or not at all?”
I will, on occasion still say, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all” because the message is important, but more so, I now ask, “what can you say instead or not at all?” Often times, they’ll respond by answering “nothing at all”. Other times, if they spoke unkindly to a sibling, or to me, or my husband, they will pause and reflect on what they could have said instead, apologize, and then compliment or express words of gratitude to the one they spoke to poorly.
It has been fascinating to observe the transformation of giving them the opportunity to think about what they’re saying and doing and guiding them to positive action rather than my expressing irritation and annoyance and repeating, “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all” and it going in one ear and out the other. As I have asked a question instead of making a statement, it has been amazing the quick turnaround from harsh contentious words being spoken to gentle peaceful words coming from within themselves and spoken.
What inspirational words or phrases have entered your mind that you have shared with your children and it has made a difference in your home and how your family members speak and treat one another?
On a very hot and sunny afternoon, our youngest son invited one of our other sons to go on a bike ride with him in our neighborhood and to spend some time together at our community park.