Restraint

From a distance, I observed a loved one making a choice that displeased me greatly. And it all began with a prompting. I was impressed to be in a certain place at a certain time. As I saw them, I was taken aback by a stark difference I noticed in their appearance. I did not know what to think. I was upset and in shock. My natural reaction was to become fired up and attack. I breathed and asked Heavenly Father, “since you prompted me to see the choice they are making and cross paths with this loved one at this time, what do you want me to do?” As I cooled down and relaxed, I heard, “say I Love You and nothing more.” The words lead me, guide me, walk beside me, came to my mind and I followed Heavenly Father’s lead. I needed and wanted to be shown the way.

The natural man reaction was set aside focusing on Heavenly Father’s knowledge of His child and I just wanted to listen and hear what he would have me do.  I thought about a story shared in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints General Conference April 2018. The sailor on the ship not only prayed for help, but acted by getting up and doing what he felt impressed to do.

For me, it was surreal to see a shift, a 180, in the character of this loved one. In one moment there was beauty and light to the next moment a fading of light. Processing what was happening was really hard.

Although I was solemn and felt sad to see the downward shift, I chose to move myself from a place of fury to a place of love. I felt impressed to take them lunch and knowing it would most likely catch them off guard and they may not be pleased to see me, I followed the prompting and witnessed up close, in person the change. There was nowhere for them to hide as I saw them before they saw me. The transformation was heartbreaking. I spoke softly and gently my love for them and shared that I did not want to see their light go away and then handed them the lunch.

I experienced first hand the tender mercy that no matter the choice they had made, it was possible for me to love and show forth love. In an instant, it quickly became clear to me that because of agency, the choice they made was theirs. As I acknowledged that we all learn at different times and in different ways, I also knew that changing ourselves is most effective when we make a decision to do better, not because someone else is telling us to but because we feel it deep inside our core.

At the close of the night I learned that because of my expressions of love when I brought them lunch, this loved one had a change of heart, a softened heart recognizing that the choice they made was theirs and theirs alone and it was hurting themself, altering who they could become and their divine potential. Love made all the difference.

When have you seen changes in a loved one that upset you and you were able to hold off the natural man to seek Heavenly Father’s direction and instead of fury, show forth love?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

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Constructive Criticism

I have a friend that shared with me very directly an observation she had of one of my weaknesses to which I responded, “Thank you! That is so true. I need to work on that.” Knowing it is something that I desire to improve upon, hearing another individual and friend speak to it struck me in a way I hadn’t before realized. It was a realization that the weakness she pointed out, is known not only by me, but evident to others as well.

As I was receptive to her candidly sharing what she had noticed, more about what she saw in me was provided that was quite enlightening. In a way, I felt that this friend’s observation of me added to an accountability I had not only to myself, but to others to work towards improving my character flaw. Meaning, if it is noticed and brought up by others, I am more motivated to do better and work harder on improving that area of weakness. No more casual approach to working on it and brushing it aside for another time, another day, but beginning right now to actively make a conscientious effort to do better.

Do you have a weakness that you feel you’re the only one that knows about it and, therefore, you’ll take your time getting around to doing better? What have you done when you find out from a friend or others that they too are aware of your weakness? Are you grateful? Do you feel shame that others know? Are you embarrassed? I must say that when the dust settled and I was in quiet reflection, I was slightly discouraged, but then quickly picked myself up acknowledging that I did not need to get down on myself, but view it rather as an opportunity to grow.

This has happened in similar fashion several others times in my life that my weaknesses were addressed and pointed out by friends I knew loved and cared about me. Their input was a well-received tender mercy that changed me in a good way. I began managing and decreasing my out of control OCD of germs, improving at empathy and relating to others going through hard times, listening more and digesting what others say rather than quick to speak and share my knowledge. I was receptive and open to their feedback and had a desire to be better. I don’t have it down, but I am improving myself to becoming a better me.

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

Delayed Flat Tire

One Saturday evening, our daughter attended a Latter-day Saints (LDS) Stake Youth Dance approximately an hour from our home. Although she would be driving out when it was daylight, she would be coming back home when it was dark. As she would be traveling alone, I was concerned about her being by herself if she had car difficulties or a flat tire, staying vigilant and aware of drunk drivers, paying attention and being mindful of her surroundings and her speed.

I was worried. At the same time, my daughter really really wanted the experience of driving the distance on her own. My husband did not feel uneasy or uncomfortable about her going. Through the phone locator app connecting us to our children’s physical location, he shared that if she got a flat tire or had other car troubles, then he would be able to go and assist her.

I considered my personal feelings and fears and whether or not the feelings were strong enough to say no or to give her the opportunity to drive by herself. I set aside my fears and provided my support. I felt confident she would arrive safely to her destination because she was traveling while it was still light, however, I was more concerned about her traveling alone at night and was nervous when I noticed the dark, windy, country path she was on when returning home. I prayed she would be ok and was relieved and grateful when she arrived home safely.

The next morning, I left for church a few minutes ahead of everyone else as I needed to be their 15 minutes earlier and I would be staying longer after church while one of our children attended a meeting. In route to church, I awaited their call when they were heading out to join them over the phone in family prayer. When I arrived at the church, I had not yet received a call that the family had left so I reached out to them and learned that when they came outside, they had noticed that the back rear tire of our daughter’s car was flat. Upon further examination, they saw a nail in the tire causing a slow leak. It was a tender mercy that the experience did not happen while she was driving on the dark country backroads the night before. I was grateful for the huge blessing that the tire did not go completely flat until in our driveway after she was home.

When have you been grateful you or a loved one were in a safe place, out of harm’s way, when car issues occurred?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

Sabbath Day

I enjoy and look forward to the Sabbath day. For me, it is a time of rejuvenation and a tender mercy to have an entire day set aside to connect with Heavenly Father in a more deliberate way. Focusing on specific ways of feeling closer to Him and the peace that is felt away from the hustle and bustle of everyday activities. I enjoy attending church, listening to and hearing the messages, feeling the Spirit, receiving answers to prayers and validation of His love and care for me.

I enjoy afternoon naps, taking walks, transcribing my son’s missionary letters and emailing them to friends and family. I enjoy the relaxation of cooking and making a new recipe without a time constraint or need to pick up kids or go to appointments. These are all things that I do on the Sabbath day that is calming and relaxing as well as drawing closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father and feeling of their love for me. What do you do on the Sabbath day?

I love that it is a day of rest, a day that I’m not doing chores and mundane tasks like laundry, grocery shopping, yard work and that I can fully take in with gratitude and appreciation what I have through moments of pondering and absorbing the beauty around me.

Is the Sabbath day a day of rest for you? Is it a day you look forward to each week? When and how have you felt Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ’s love for you?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

Holiday Excitement

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

I love that my youngest loves doing special things for the holidays, from decorating to planning and preparing fun ideas. Today is no different. It is St. Patrick’s Day. I was awoken this morning with this child sharing an idea and asking permission if it would be ok to print off a cloverleaf, hide it, and then whoever found it could go into our designated birthday gift box for friends and family and pick out a gift. I loved the cool and awesome idea and said yes.

Thirty six hours earlier I was feeling a tad bit of stress not having really thought about what to do on St. Patrick’s Day. I, at the least, wanted to purchase green foods for that day, but was not looking forward to going to the store.

The evening before St. Patrick’s day as my husband and I were on our way home from a date night, it was a tender mercy we stopped by the store for something my husband needed. Although it was late and I was tired and had not planned to go shopping for food until the next day, I decided to go ahead and get the St. Patrick’s day items too since we were already in the store.

Shopping together with my husband for this occasion versus going to the store by myself was so much more fun. And, it is a huge blessing and a tender mercy to have a child who loves doing amazing things for every holiday as it alleviates stress from me to come up with ideas. I love it!

As a mom, I want to do fun things for my family on the holidays. My ideas were great when they were younger.  As they have gotten older, my ideas are half liked and half not liked so when the ideas come from them, there is greater involvement, participation, and excitement. And, there is less work and stress on me which I love. Allowing them to explore and share their skills and talents with our family is tremendous. I am incredibly happy watching them shine and showcase their personalities.

How have your child(ren)’s gifts and talents blessed you as a parent to ease your workload and responsibilities as well as increased joy in your home?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

On Board

Every member of our family—mom, dad, and three children (two teenagers and a pre-pre-teen)—was excited to go on a family camping trip. It was a tender mercy how well everything came together. Every one packed their own bags and participated in giving meal ideas. Everyone was happy and looking forward to a great Spring Break! It was way awesome! The location and the site was incredible! The weather was ideal during the day, not too hot and not too cold. Although the evenings were very cold, we were prepared with necessary blankets and bedding. The meals were yummy! Everyone assisted and helped with setting up camp, taking down camp, preparing the planned meals, working together, and playing together. Although there were a few bumps and squabbles, it was definitely a very pleasant and memorable family trip!

When has your family gone on an outing/trip/vacation where every member was on board, participating in the planning and preparing and happy to go?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Give Yourself A Cushion

I am constantly saying to my kids and reminding myself, “give yourself a cushion”, especially in the morning as we are heading off to school. We live quite a distance from the Middle School and the High School—give or take on any given day, it could be as little as 20 minutes to an hour or more to get to school based on weather conditions, traffic accidents, or construction.

Sometimes we learn about when those occurrences are happening through a traffic app, receiving a text message, or by radio. Because, on most days, we don’t know until later on down the road what delays, if any, we may encounter, I have encouraged my kids to allow themselves a cushion to arrive to school safely and on time.

There is anxiousness when leaving the house at just the right amount of time and then something unplanned or unexpected occurs and there’s a shortage of time. I’ve expressed to my kids that I love them and care about them and that safety is more important than rushing to be on time. Leaving with plenty of time to take a detour or hang out in traffic if necessary due to it being backed up or slow and go helps alleviate stress and feeling rushed.

On those days when we have left our home in plenty of time to get to our destination and any one of the above events has occurred, it has been a tender mercy I have not felt the pressure and worry of not getting my kids to school on time. I have been able to stay relaxed, laugh, and enjoy the drive interacting pleasantly with whomever is in the car with me, no matter the added length of time it takes to get to school. In addition, it is a tender mercy when my children who drive themselves on these longer commute days text me from school that they have arrived safely and were punctual because of the time cushion they gave themselves before leaving home.

When has your commute to a destination been delayed for whatever reason and because you left home with plenty of cushion time, you felt relaxed and comfortable that you would still arrive on time?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Fearing a Dog Rescue

I have an absolute fear of dogs. When I was younger, while walking home, I was bitten from behind by an unfriendly dog. Since that time, I have experienced anxiety around dogs—small, medium, large, any kind of dog, even ones that are friendly.

This morning, as I was driving home after dropping off my children at school, I saw a loose dog near my house getting into a garbage bag sitting out for trash pick up. The dog looked familiar, possibly our neighbor’s dog. I drove past him, backed into my driveway, and then thought about what I should do. I immediately drove back to the dog thinking at the same time, “I want to help, but I’m afraid of dogs so I don’t want to get out and guide the dog back home. I also do not have the neighbor’s phone number with me.  If I went back home to get the number, I may lose the dog”.

As I approached the dog, I rolled down my window and spoke the name I thought may be his to see if the dog would respond. I said, “Hi, Hello!, go home bud, go home” with a soft and gentle voice and tone. He looked up and I knew it was him. Even though I have a fear of dogs up close, I like them from a distance and I was able to speak to him in a kind and friendly way all the while staying inside my car. For several minutes, I encouraged and invited him to go home and he slowly began returning back towards his house at the very time, right behind me, a car pulled up and the neighbor’s wife got out and came over to her dog.

I thought to myself, “How Cool”!  It was a tender mercy I was able to help guide their dog back home, even with my fear, without getting out of the car and the timing of the neighbor’s return home was fabulous!

It was also amazing when the neighbor’s husband spoke to their dog, the familiarity—how and what was spoken—was identical to how and what I spoke. In addition, it was a tender mercy I was able to briefly interact with the neighbors when I only see and visit with them from time to time as we infrequently cross paths. Although I was a bit self-conscious because I was still in my pajamas, my hair was a mess, my make up was streaked and my teeth were not yet brushed; nonetheless, I was grateful for the interaction and being able to assist in their dog’s return home despite my fear.

Have you had an experience where you worked through a fear to help with an animal rescue?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Protective Honk

One morning, as I was leaving my neighborhood to turn right onto a busy street taking my youngest to school, I was unable to see around a truck that was on my left side, waiting to turn left. Not knowing if any cars were headed in the same direction I was turning, I inched out just a bit when the truck beside me observed my moving forward and honked their horn. I paused becoming aware immediately that it was not safe for me to continue forward.

Most often, when I am honked at while driving, it is not a friendly honk. This honk, however, was a protective honk. It was a tender mercy when the driver saw that I could not see a car coming up fast, they alerted me by honking their horn. I was grateful for the neighborly kindness. I don’t know who was in the truck, but I was grateful that they were not only concerned about where they were going, but also concerned and cared about my safety and well-being.

When have you had someone do something to you in a way that typically would be considered unfriendly; but, in particular instances, they were in fact protecting you, looking out for you and helping you stay out of and clear of harm’s way?

I think of the times when I’m in traffic and I have to break hard because there’s a sudden slow down. I put my hand and arm out to protect my passenger in the event there is any impact. It can catch the passenger off guard not expecting my hand and arm to go out in front of them.

Perhaps when someone is getting your attention to keep you out of harm’s way, their tone sounds like they are screaming and yelling at you when in fact their tone is of worry and concern—panic?

Maybe someone tugs your shirt from behind to pull you back because you’re about to step into the street when a car, you can’t see, is coming.  Or, they pull you back to prevent you from stepping into a hole or getting hit by a tree branch?

Or, somebody flicks your hair, your cheek, arm, back, or leg because you have a bug or mosquito land on you or a spider is crawling somewhere on you?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Compassion versus Chastisement

An experience that I have never forgotten, a teaching moment, came years ago from one of my four young children. This child was standing on a step on the stairs as I stood across from them chastising them for something I observed that they had done and I was unhappy with their choice.

As I addressed this child, tears rolling down their face and with shakiness in their voice desiring to exit the dialogue, shared with me something very profound. This child spoke the words, “right now I need compassion”.

Here I was a mother chastising my child, addressing an issue I felt needed to be spoken to with firmness. This child did not feel of my love, particularly my understanding them. It was a tender mercy my heart in that moment was receptive and open to this child’s words. I was grateful they communicated and articulated their feelings and thoughts with me.

Many years since that experience I heard Carole Tuttle, who wrote a book called, “The Child Whisperer”, speak at an I Am Mom Summit sharing about four types of children, their style, their needs, and how to handle and address each as a difficult situation arises. My child had communicated their need for compassion. Had that child not spoken up, I would not have recognized their need and would have continued chastising the child for the action and behavior I was unhappy with seeing.

It was a tender mercy and blessing for me as a mother that in that moment I was taught by my child a parenting tip that was helpful and beneficial for personal growth, parental growth, and relationship development between a mother and a child.

What have you learned from your children? When have you been humbled and changed by something profound they said or did?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”