Category: Family

On The Spot Parenting Turning Points

On The Spot, Parenting Turning Points Bring Harmony Back Into Family Life When It is Disrupted

Here and there, I’ve experienced various, different on the spot parenting turning points. Meaning, in the midst of having an aggravating parenting moment with my children, it has been a tender mercy when an ingenious idea, thought, story, analogy, phrase, etc. has come to my mind and when shared with my kids or input received from another is implemented, it has improved the immediate or recurring moment of discord.

Four of my most recent, individual, on the spot parenting turning points have been—First, when bringing up “hard” topics, my children are frequently pleading that I not lecture them. I feel it is important to talk about all kinds of important matters with my kids, but not sure exactly how to present it to hold their interest or for them to want to stay engaged in a discussion. Ironically, as I had been pondering to know the “how” to go about further addressing these topics in a way that is non lecturing, while listening to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints General Conference over the weekend, words I heard during a particular message by Hans T. Brown echoed my children’s plea.

Following that session, I shared with my family the thoughts that came up for me related to their request. It was a tender mercy that as we were all talking about it together, a light bulb went off and I asked my children, “What if I asked you, what do you know about such and such…pornography, sex, human trafficking, etc…and you then share with me your thoughts, feelings, or knowledge rather than my starting off the discussion with what I have heard and know?” Everyone was on board and agreed it would be a better approach, as well as prefacing the conversation with, “I would like to bring up a hard topic. What do you think about…such and such….?” 

Second, one late evening as our family gathered together to play a new board game recently purchased by one of our children who was excited to play with everyone as well as be in control of the way it was played, the manner and level of intensity in which they were introducing it and going through the rules was getting on everyone’s nerves to the point all family members no longer desired to stay, even though we all wanted to play.

Before we each got up to leave, it was a tender mercy an ingenious idea popped into my mind to set a timer to only play the game for 30 minutes and for every time they spoke with harshness and demanding authority, I would reduce the clock timer 1 minute. Though several minutes were lost, our experience altogether was much better.   

Third, on another occasion, when one of my children applied minimal effort to one of their chores and I encouraged that they give more, they felt hurt and perceived that I was saying their work was not good enough when in fact I was referring to the overall chore lacking full attention, not just the small area they quickly, in no time, cleaned up. The section they covered was great, yet there was more surface area untouched.

As they struggled with my ask and I was struggling to know how to effectively communicate my appreciation for what they had done to assure them I was sincere, in addition, wanting to see them further apply themselves on a larger scale, it was a tender mercy I recalled right then and there the “Story of The Five Dollar Lawn” I heard years ago depicting exactly my sentiments in a more clear and understandable way. 

As I shared this story with my child, it was received more or less as “food for thought”, at the same time it provided a clarity that, in essence, among a myriad of take aways, the outreach and level of work completed is quantifiable and each individual job by itself is recognized and valued with thanks and gratitude. 

Lastly, it was a tender mercy when listening to a specific episode of The Virtual Couch Podcast by Tony Overbay, the guest Ralphie Jacobs shared her top positive parenting tips, one being the phrase, “Try Again”. This phrase has been an on the spot, parenting turning point many a times. It has been super impactful as an antidote for when my children project blame onto another family member for their unwise choices or speak poorly to one another. 

When have you had those on the spot parenting turning points in which an ingenious idea, story, or phrase, etc. has come to you during an aggravating moment with your children helping you best respond to an immediate or recurring frustration? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Reflections After All Was Said And Done

Reflections After All Was Said And Done

When the dynamics among associations I have had with individuals I dearly love and care about changed due to life’s circumstances, I felt a devastating loss. The reflections that came after all was said and done caused my heart to ache and I felt a wrenching void. In one moment life was great, my interactions with them were superb, and then just like that, ever so quickly, everything was different and I didn’t know what to make of the abrupt “overnight” changes. Getting a handle on and processing how my relationships with each would now be moving forward was excruciatingly hard. 

Preceding the fading connections that transpired in just over the course of one week, I had spent valuable and memorable time with each individual on separate monumental occasions.  

With one of them, I knew following a whirlwind of events and the adrenaline rush leading up to their life-altering festivities, I would experience a drop as I supposed our interactions would be less, but I didn’t know the degree or fathom the emotions of loss I would feel. I was happy for the new chapter in their life they were embarking and sad for me at the same time. Another loss came as a total surprise, unexpectedly out-of-the-blue, and another was less shocking, yet still very difficult.  

Would my relationships with any of them ever be the same? Had I truly lost the bond I had with each of them prior to that point? Navigating these waters I had never been through before would have been more rough if I had not had others to help me through it by opening up and being vulnerable in sharing my raw, authentic emotions of hurt and pain. I was supported through my grief and I had an outlet to release off my heart and mind what I had considered and contemplated keeping to myself. Cognitively, I understood and acknowledged that suppressing my feelings would not have served me well. 

In recognizing the discomfort and state I would remain if I stayed closed up and knowing the source of who would have me suffer, I courageously stepped out of my typical default of remaining private and keeping my personal cares and concerns to myself. Through sharing and opening up my feelings with others whom I trusted, I felt an immediate comfort. By doing so, it was a tender mercy that others who have gone before me, been where I am, and have experienced the particular losses that are new to me were present to help me, not just family and friends alone, but also the overall concept shared on a podcast entitled, I See You, and a message shared during an in particular episode.  

This recent hardship was a reminder to me of years ago learning from others the challenge of raising teenagers. When I came into that phase with my children, I had a sense of humor and familiarity of what was happening because of watching and learning from others who had gone through it before me.  

Although I was more so prepared for the teenage years unlike my late experiences, receiving help to navigate through difficult challenges from those who have “been there, done that” was a real blessing and tender mercy!

When have life-altering circumstances separated you away from those you love and care about deeply and as your reflections after all was said and done left you feeling great sorrow and sadness, others who have gone before you and experienced what you were going through were there to help and support you through your pain?
 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Searching For Seasonal Water Shoes

As our family prepared to go to a water park for a final summer outing a couple of days before school started back up, one of our children read online the benefits of wearing water shoes. When we got our water shoes out, it was realized that we did not have any that our kids could wear. 

I wasn’t all too keen on getting new water shoes and held off doing so until the evening before going to the water park. I really thought and anticipated I would simply go into just one store where I was sure there would be plenty of water shoes in stock, get them, and be done. However, that was not the case. I was unprepared and not ready for the reality that summer was almost over. Their end-of-season selection was very limited and the sizes we needed were all out. 

My quick errand resulted in several hours of going in and out of store after store until one by one the stores started closing. At each place, in asking store employees if they had any and coming up empty handed, surprisingly, I learned and overheard that other consumers were looking for water shoes too. Sadly, the various stores either did not have any water shoes or ones in the right size or what was available was so over priced and close to the same cost as a discounted water park ticket, it was not worth purchasing a pair for a one day use. 

On a side note, when I left the house, I had quickly stepped into a pair of casual water slip on sandals that were conveniently right in front of me as I entered the garage. Little did I know at the time how beneficial wearing these shoes would be a short time later. On this hot 100 degree day, I had no idea it was going to rain. It was a tender mercy that as I came out of one of the stores into a torrential downpour, although I was drenched immediately as I did not have an umbrella, the shoes I had put on were suitable for the inclement weather. 

After searching for water shoes in store after store after store with no success, it was a tender mercy that in the very last store, I came across a different type of water shoes that I was excited and thrilled about the possibility they could work just as well. There was only one pair left and they happened to be in a size we needed. The alternative water shoes had a clear soft plastic, flexible exterior shell with holes throughout and an interior removable sole. Although the soles were not in a preferred color, I saw that I could be resourceful and easily take the sole out and replace it with a .98 cent flip flop in a preferred color. Wallah! The substitute water shoes were effective and held up the entire day!

When have you conveniently been wearing shoes or an outfit that was suitable for unexpected inclement weather while out and about running errands?

And, when have you been in search of a particular seasonal merchandise that was no longer in stock and you saw potential in an alternative option that worked very well as a substitute? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Shading From The Heat Of The Sun

Mid-afternoon, on this blazing summer day, a friend of mine and I enjoyed a day together with our children at a park. As the sun was beating down, I was constantly wiping sweat droplets from my chin and along my cheek bones and frequently drinking water to stay hydrated. Although the bright sun among the white puffy clouds in the blue blue sky was of a sweltering degree, it was a tender mercy that the park had a covering to shade the playground and bench area from the scorching heat of the sun. 

When have you been to a park, a pool, the beach, a sporting event…on a very hot day and were extremely grateful there was a covering (pavilion, awning, umbrella, trees, etc.) you could sit under that provided some or full shade from direct exposure of the sun’s rays?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Why Am I Struggling So?

While writing up a blog entry, I couldn’t figure out why my post was not coming together and it was troubling me…until I stepped away to take a much needed break. In part, it made sense since writing is not my forte, however, it is something I do on a regular basis and many days I do fine, but today was extremely challenging and a struggle for me.

It was a tender mercy that immediately as I set it aside and moved away from it, one of my children came to me with the exact same question I was stewing over, “Why Am I Struggling So?” only from the flip side. I was intrigued and delighted. 

For them, it was with basketball. On this particular day, they were very pleased with their basketball accomplishments, yet, they brought up how interesting it is that on some days they do well and on other days they don’t do so well. I was curious…what makes the difference? Such as, a bad hair day versus a good hair day, a bad writing day versus a good writing day, a bad workout day versus a good workout day and on and on… 

Per our conversation, these various thoughts came to mind. 

1.  What I was writing was a significant post that had potential to bless the lives of many, and as such, the adversary was working full force to prevent and thwart my efforts from it getting posted. 

2. Einstein had many a bad days, but he didn’t give up and kept going and great things came from his perseverance. 

3. How often do we tackle a project like a renovation and think it’ll be easy, but once we get into it, we find issues—rusted out pipes, mold, termites… etc. Although the repairs and fixing it up is tedious and frustrating, the effort extended results in an amazing finished product. 

4. Perhaps, it opens the door for other good things to happen redirecting and focusing our energy, for the time-being, elsewhere. For instance, in basketball, rather than practicing 3 point shots that, for whatever reason, are not sinking like usual, improving upon lay ups instead. With writing, maybe setting it aside and engage in a completely different activity and area of interest for an essential breather to clear one’s mind. Or, with bad hair days, trying a different hairstyle that may result in discovering an amazing new style that only came to be because of a bad hair day. 

5.  In addition, another family member shared a reminder that there is opposition in all things. 

As I reflected on each of these points, I had an enlightened perspective when I returned later to my writing. Even though it took longer than most to write up the specific blog post, I did not give up and eventually it came together. 

In a nutshell, my takeaway was that things of great importance and worthwhile may require more painstaking effort and to not give up when something isn’t working out in the moment(s); and, that struggles and “bumps in the road” do not necessarily mean stop doing what valuable thing you are doing, particularly, when it doesn’t feel right to do so, and “throw in the towel”, but rather step away to do something else for a time and then come back and try again.  

When have you been at a point of contemplating giving up on something beneficial you were working really hard on that wasn’t coming together and a conversation with another, right at that time, inspired you to keep going and pressing forward? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.* 

Impromptu Lesson

On this night as our family began our “Family Home Evening”, I didn’t realize it was my turn in our weekly rotation to give the lesson. I was definitely unprepared. I almost didn’t do a lesson and was ready to skip past it, however, the opportunity to share a lesson during this special time together is a privilege, I feel, particularly as a mom. So I prayed asking Heavenly Father what I could teach that was pertinent and could bless our family right then. It was a tender mercy that I was immediately inspired with ideas and thoughts for a simply amazing impromptu lesson.

When have you experienced a time when it was your accountability to perform an action and you realized in the moment that it was to be done you were not prepared and ready to do it and after a quick prayer, an inspired impromptu means of accomplishing it immediately came to your mind and you were able to follow-through and fulfill your responsibility?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Staying Inside The Lines

As I was taking my kids to school several miles away, it was tempting to doze off as I was feeling a residual tiredness from the insufficient rest I had the night prior, but I kept myself from doing so because I was driving. I knew I could’ve immediately fallen asleep if I closed my eyes. With cognizance, I managed to keep my droopy eyes fixated on the road during the morning commute. Feeling sleepy, it was a tender mercy the couple of times I almost hit a curbside, I didn’t and when I was at a stop light and sensed my foot about to easily slip off the pedal, it didn’t. Each moment that was a close call, I expressed gratitude to Heavenly Father for my safety, the safety of others, my car, and the property of others. 

When have you felt a residual tiredness while commuting and in fighting to keep your eyes open, you managed to stay awake and safely reach your, not far off, destination? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Where Do I Start My Search?

When searching for a “needle in a haystack”, where do I start?

In helping a family member look for a temporary place to stay for a few months in a large city out-of-state, it was quite daunting and overwhelming to even know where to begin. As I sat and looked at the map of the city, I prayed for guidance and direction to know where to start.

Following my prayer, the first thing that came to my mind was to reach out to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Institute of Religion office in that area. From there, I was directed to a housing website with a page listing over 40+ apartments/condos. As I viewed their geographical locations, I felt impressed and led to 2 separate complexes within close proximity of each other. Immediately, my search was narrowed down substantially.  

And, even more so, when the first complex I looked into not only had an apartment unit that was conducive and suitable to the needs of the family member and offered fantastic amenities ideal to their interests and what they love doing, it was also move-in ready. Within a few days the family member had visited the place, liked it, signed a lease and the contract was approved. 

It was a tender mercy I was able to find something so quick and with directness. It was amazing! Not only that, it was a tender mercy the entire first month’s rent had already been paid for by the previous tenant and the security deposit was waived as I had called while a promotional offer was going on.  

When have you taken on something so big you did not know where to start and after seeking divine help, everything through to completion turned out incredibly well and came together relatively fast? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Adjustable Pre-Purchased Park Tickets

Over Spring Break, our family traveled out-of-town to visit several theme parks. During the week, Monday through Friday, we had pre-purchased tickets to a different park each day leaving the weekend for one day to drive back home and, before our kids returned to school, another day to recoup our exhausted energy after many long days of nonstop fun. 

Our days were packed full from sunrise to sunset. After 2 solid days of walking a lot and standing in lines, tiredness and sore feet set in and an unexpected occurrence derailed our plans for Wednesday. It was a tender mercy we had the flexibility to extend our trip one more day and fit in a day to relax midweek. The much needed break was essential allowing us to rest, leisurely prepare lunches and snacks for the latter half of the week, take it easy and enjoy a slow-paced day of napping, reading, and pool time. It was also a tender mercy that our purchased park tickets were able to be altered and switched to another day and the rearrangement at the end of the week did not set us back any to get home in time when school started back up.    

When have you experienced a change in your travel plans and you had the flexibility to extend your trip an additional day(s) and a pre-purchased ticket for something planned on the day that was derailed was able to be altered and changed for another day within the timeframe of your vacation?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Time-filler Conversation

It was a beautiful, sunny day at the theme park as our family was enjoying one ride after another smoothly and with such ease. The lines were in constant motion, moving much faster than what was indicated on the posting outside of the ride. We were on a roll until we arrived at a ride that initially indicated a 50-minute wait time. Based on the other rides with overestimated wait times, we thought it would really only be like 30 minutes. However, due to some sort of delay, the wait time ended up being around 2 hours. 

It was a tender mercy that soon after we got in line, the couple in front of us and my husband and I began talking with one another. We had a very nice dialogue that expedited the long wait as our focus was on our conversation rather than our standing in a line that was hardly moving for a long period of time. It was a pleasant way to pass the time away and a nice distraction from fully experiencing the heat, sore feet, and boredom.  

When has sparking up a conversation with others while standing in a line for a long period of time lessened your uncomfortableness associated with waiting and passed the time away much more quickly?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*