Category: Parent/Child Relationship

Not In Our Neck Of The Woods

While in a location a distance away from home, it happened that a well liked fast food establishment not in our neck of the woods was nearby.

Late afternoon on a Saturday, as one of my children and I were leaving from a districtwide school event they had participated in that was a distance from our home, it was a tender mercy that a particular fast food establishment our family enjoys eating at but is not in our neck of the woods was in close proximity to where the event was being held.

Following most functions, I would typically just go straight home, however, after being at the event almost a full day with very little interaction with my child, I felt impressed upon our departure that it would be a great opportunity to spend one-on-one time together with them by going out to eat before returning home.

When I asked about their preference on where they wanted to go, they opened up their maps application on their phone and saw that nearby was a well liked fast food restaurant we don’t have in our neck of the woods.

It was a tender mercy that this specific establishment was only minutes from where we were at the time and it was a tender mercy that I acted on the impression and seized the awesome opportunity we had to spend one-on-one time together and enjoy a special conversation about those things of interest for them while each eating a tasty hamburger, warm fries, and a delicious milkshake. 

When have you been in a location a distance away from your home and it happened that a well liked establishment not in your neck of the woods was nearby? And, when have you seized an awesome opportunity to spend one-on-one time with your children?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.

You Are Doing Something Right

The joy you feel as you come to know that you are doing something right as a mom.

“Yes, Yes, you are doing something right!” As a mom, parenting can be a real struggle. I absolutely love being a mom, however, often I question if I am parenting the right way. Today, I received an affirmation of one thing in particular to which I was immediately overjoyed, so much so, I clenched my right hand as I raised it above my head and quickly brought it back down by my side in a victorious manner all the while resoundingly expressing to myself in second person, “Yes, Yes, you are doing something right!” 

On my way to picking up one of my children from early morning church seminary, I was listening to an episode of Real Talk. One specific quote, “The gospel of Jesus Christ should be caught not taught” mentioned non verbatim by one of the hosts referencing something spoken of by Elder David A. Bednar captured my attention. I looked up Elder Bednar’s broadcast talk and the words resonated with what I’ve done with my kids ever since they were little. 

When they would ask me for answers to questions—general life questions, homework questions, where they could find such and such, etc. I would often reply with “What do you think?“ Although they would get frustrated with this response, I did not want to just give them the answer outright. I wanted them to process through and consider the answer for themselves first. Most often, as I guided them, they would come to the correct answer all on their own. I absolutely love the phrase/proverb, “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” 

Hearing first the quote and then reading the talk by Elder Bednar was a tender mercy as it provided me a thrill of affirmation that “Yes, Yes, you are doing something right!”

When have you questioned if you were parenting the right way or not and you received a form of affirmation that indeed, “Yes, Yes, you are doing something right!”?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.

On The Spot Parenting Turning Points

On The Spot, Parenting Turning Points Bring Harmony Back Into Family Life When It is Disrupted

Here and there, I’ve experienced various, different on the spot parenting turning points. Meaning, in the midst of having an aggravating parenting moment with my children, it has been a tender mercy when an ingenious idea, thought, story, analogy, phrase, etc. has come to my mind and when shared with my kids or input received from another is implemented, it has improved the immediate or recurring moment of discord.

Four of my most recent, individual, on the spot parenting turning points have been—First, when bringing up “hard” topics, my children are frequently pleading that I not lecture them. I feel it is important to talk about all kinds of important matters with my kids, but not sure exactly how to present it to hold their interest or for them to want to stay engaged in a discussion. Ironically, as I had been pondering to know the “how” to go about further addressing these topics in a way that is non lecturing, while listening to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints General Conference over the weekend, words I heard during a particular message by Hans T. Brown echoed my children’s plea.

Following that session, I shared with my family the thoughts that came up for me related to their request. It was a tender mercy that as we were all talking about it together, a light bulb went off and I asked my children, “What if I asked you, what do you know about such and such…pornography, sex, human trafficking, etc…and you then share with me your thoughts, feelings, or knowledge rather than my starting off the discussion with what I have heard and know?” Everyone was on board and agreed it would be a better approach, as well as prefacing the conversation with, “I would like to bring up a hard topic. What do you think about…such and such….?” 

Second, one late evening as our family gathered together to play a new board game recently purchased by one of our children who was excited to play with everyone as well as be in control of the way it was played, the manner and level of intensity in which they were introducing it and going through the rules was getting on everyone’s nerves to the point all family members no longer desired to stay, even though we all wanted to play.

Before we each got up to leave, it was a tender mercy an ingenious idea popped into my mind to set a timer to only play the game for 30 minutes and for every time they spoke with harshness and demanding authority, I would reduce the clock timer 1 minute. Though several minutes were lost, our experience altogether was much better.   

Third, on another occasion, when one of my children applied minimal effort to one of their chores and I encouraged that they give more, they felt hurt and perceived that I was saying their work was not good enough when in fact I was referring to the overall chore lacking full attention, not just the small area they quickly, in no time, cleaned up. The section they covered was great, yet there was more surface area untouched.

As they struggled with my ask and I was struggling to know how to effectively communicate my appreciation for what they had done to assure them I was sincere, in addition, wanting to see them further apply themselves on a larger scale, it was a tender mercy I recalled right then and there the “Story of The Five Dollar Lawn” I heard years ago depicting exactly my sentiments in a more clear and understandable way. 

As I shared this story with my child, it was received more or less as “food for thought”, at the same time it provided a clarity that, in essence, among a myriad of take aways, the outreach and level of work completed is quantifiable and each individual job by itself is recognized and valued with thanks and gratitude. 

Lastly, it was a tender mercy when listening to a specific episode of The Virtual Couch Podcast by Tony Overbay, the guest Ralphie Jacobs shared her top positive parenting tips, one being the phrase, “Try Again”. This phrase has been an on the spot, parenting turning point many a times. It has been super impactful as an antidote for when my children project blame onto another family member for their unwise choices or speak poorly to one another. 

When have you had those on the spot parenting turning points in which an ingenious idea, story, or phrase, etc. has come to you during an aggravating moment with your children helping you best respond to an immediate or recurring frustration? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Happy Medium

Days after Easter, I was ready to clear off the holiday treats from my kitchen countertop and free up the space. I started with a carton of chocolate covered marshmallow eggs. When I opened it, there was one mouthwatering marshmallow left inside. It looked yummy and I knew it would taste good, however, I didn’t particularly want to eat it right then. Even more so, I didn’t want to leave the carton on the countertop or place it on a shelf in the pantry for a single marshmallow or waste it by throwing out perfectly edible food. 

Although I wanted to savour it later, I didn’t think it would likely be remembered if I put it in a baggie to hang onto it so I decided to eat a portion and toss the rest. As I took the last marshmallow out of the carton, one of my children walked up to me, saw it in my hand, and shared that they had never before had one. When I asked if they would like it, they said yes. Along with their showing an interest, they also expressed an uncertainty as to whether they would like it or not so I offered them half. Where I did not desire all of it for myself in that moment, I gladly split the marshmallow and the half that otherwise would have been thrown out, they accepted. It was a tender mercy that the timing of my child’s approach resolved the dilemma of what to do with the delicious chocolate covered marshmallow egg without wasting it. 

When have you been tidying up your kitchen and clearing out near empty packages of unexpired good food that was taking up space, to which you were not personally wanting to eat right away or desiring to throw out, and you were able to share it with someone else without wasting it? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Ups And Downs of Motherhood

As the sun rises and sets so is the ups and downs of motherhood.

As my kids begin to venture out on their own, experiencing the independence and freedom of adulting, I’ve questioned if the “how” I’ve parented true principles, wholesome values, moral standards, proper etiquette, etc. throughout their upbringing I lacked teaching them in the most effective and best way. My heart has ached with thoughts of the number of ways I have fallen short as a mom. I’ve been worried and concerned if my imperfect parenting will negatively affect and impact their future choices as they leave home. And, I’ve wondered if they will apply and carry on for themselves or not what goodness they’ve been taught. 

It was a tender mercy that while traveling back home from a family trip, in the quiet of the long drive as I listened to session after session of an online I Am Mom Summit, this message entitled, “Progress Is Enough – Focus on Where You’re Showing up in Life, Not Where You’re Failing” by Kimmy Hughes as well as my takeaway from another speaker’s message that “I am the best parent for my children” caused me to shift gears and think about what, in fact, I am doing right as a mom.  

Whichever direction my kids choose to go or find themselves going, my spirits were lifted as I reflected on ways I have been a good mom. I do not know what all lies ahead or what’s in the horizon, but I do know that I am encouraged and feel better when I focus on what I am doing right as a mom rather than concentrating on my imperfections as a mom. 

When has a positive parenting message replaced your concentration of your failures and imperfections as a mom to a focus of what you are doing right as a mom? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Running Behind Schedule

I was pretty confident I could upload a picture and tweak a few things to complete the finishing touches of a project in a 30 minute timeframe I had free before my night was about to begin with back-to-back activities from picking up a child from school, dropping them off at home with a family member, and then leaving immediately for an early evening movie date with my husband. I thought it was doable. Unfortunately, each change and addition when updated online, processed slowly. As I kept an eye on the clock, I was sure 30 minutes would have been enough time, including the 10 minute cushion I gave myself on top of the 30 minutes, but no, it was not complete for another 10 minutes, totaling 50 minutes.  

Being punctual to pick up my child from school and to meet up with my husband was very important to me. Choosing to be solely engaged in our dialogues and interactions with each other was even more important to me. I wanted to be with them, truly with them, not absent while present with my mind drifting away to the project. I knew if I didn’t complete it before I left, it would have been on my mind all night long until I got back to it, so I opted to wait until the updates were finished at which point I was then leaving later than I had intended and running behind schedule. 

Although the delay set me back and I was late getting to my child, it was a tender mercy that as I was leaving the school, the single lane I was in that allows vehicles to either turn left across a busy street or turn right and is typically backed up when trying to exit the school had cones placed preventing a left hand turn. A school police officer was directing all drivers to only make a right hand turn maintaining a nonstop flow of traffic. Happily, it was the direction I needed to go and I was able to be on my way back home with swiftness.

After arriving home, my husband and I quickly headed out hoping to get to the movie theater by showtime. Still running late and with construction along the way, it was another tender mercy that as we approached the section where the two lane road became a one lane road, alternating the northbound cars to pass through while the southbound cars waited and then the southbound cars passed through while the northbound cars waited, our lane of cars was given the go ahead to move forward without any delay or wait on our side. 

We arrived to the movie theater 6 minutes after the scheduled show time, yet it was another tender mercy that the previews were 25 minutes long so we did not miss any of the movie. Most importantly, it was a peaceful calm evening versus an agitated stressed mom/wife kind of night. With the project complete before I left the house, I was able to rest easy and relax the remainder of the evening turning my time and attention to each of my children as well as spending devoted, focused time with my husband enjoying our date night together.

When has a project you’ve wanted to complete taken longer than expected resulting in your running behind schedule to get to an important function(s) and though you arrived late, you felt relaxed and obstructions in your path were cleared and you did not miss any of the portion of the event you desired to see and attend most?

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

First Things First

As I was taking one of my children to school, it was pressing on my mind to speak with them about something of concern that occurred days earlier in our community. However, as much as I wanted to talk about it and hear their thoughts, I could see they were studying for a couple of class exams. 

At that moment, it was a tender mercy that back to back I not only recalled and reflected on a specific instance I felt an appreciation when I was not disrupted and broken away from something that was important to me when I was a student like them, I also heard the still small voice whisper, “not now, it can wait”.

The recollection of how much I valued the time and space given to me and wanting to give the same to my child and also having received the gentle impression helped me make the decision to hold off the dialogue for a later, more appropriate, time. As I considered the impact my conversation may have had on them and how it may have effected how they went into the exam, I felt that what was best then was for them to focus and concentrate on their efforts and desire to do well.   

The better time came after school on the way home after the weight, stress, and pressure of studying and testing was behind them and their time and mental energy was not split among two very different and significant matters, but the focus was on one crucial item at a time.

When has a remembrance of an impactful personal experience and a soft impression guided you to when and how to share a pressing matter of yours with someone else? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Worth The Wait


After finishing up some school shopping one-on-one with my daughter, there was a short 30 minutes before I needed to pick up my other kids from there respective locations one after the other. We filled in the time and treated ourselves by ordering lunch “To Go” from a local soup/salad/sandwich & bakery cafe we both enjoy. As we stood in line waiting our turn, I eyed the scrumptious mouthwatering pastries; however, wanting to stay within a budget, we each purchased only a simple meal within my price range. 

Although we were the second name shown on a large screen display in the dining area to get our food, we sat and watched food come out to others and ours was not among them. After what seemed like quite a bit of waiting and our name staying in the same placement, I became worried if I would be able to pick up my other kids on time. I shared my concern regarding the length of time with an employee helping make the food and when I asked how much longer it would be until our order would be ready, I was told they were keeping up with orders for those dining in, coming through drive-thru, and To Go orders. They were very apologetic that ours had not yet been made and offered myself and my daughter a free pastry. Yum! 

Right after we picked out a pastry of our choosing, our order was ready. Not having it in my budget to purchase the bakery item in addition to our meal, it was a tender mercy that due to the delay, we received a delicious free pastry. It was worth the wait. And, we made it just in time to pick up my other kids. 😊

While eating out, when have you resisted purchasing something delicious you really wanted, to stay within a budget and because of a longer than expected wait time or for some other reason, you were offered the tasty treat free of charge? 

tendermercym❤️ments~jld

“How have you noticed Heavenly Father’s awareness and mindfulness of you today?”

*If you would like to receive an email when new posts are published, please send your name and email address to tendermercymoments@gmail.com.*

Inspired Words

For so long it has bugged me when I hear my children speak unkindly and I feel like a broken record when I say, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Then one day, these inspired words entered my mind and came out of my mouth, “What can you say instead, or not at all?”

I will, on occasion still say, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all” because the message is important, but more so, I now ask, “what can you say instead or not at all?” Often times, they’ll respond by answering “nothing at all”. Other times, if they spoke unkindly to a sibling, or to me, or my husband, they will pause and reflect on what they could have said instead, apologize, and then compliment or express words of gratitude to the one they spoke to poorly.

It has been fascinating to observe the transformation of giving them the opportunity to think about what they’re saying and doing and guiding them to positive action rather than my expressing irritation and annoyance and repeating, “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all” and it going in one ear and out the other. As I have asked a question instead of making a statement, it has been amazing the quick turnaround from harsh contentious words being spoken to gentle peaceful words coming from within themselves and spoken.

What inspirational words or phrases have entered your mind that you have shared with your children and it has made a difference in your home and how your family members speak and treat one another?

tendermercym♥ments~jld

Stand By Your Feeling

I was facing a conflict, a dilemma to what I was going to do and what decision I was going to make at an annual well exam visit for one of my children. I was sure they had swimmer’s ear, and I knew there was a possibility that immunizations were given at their age. I was not only concerned about my child’s ear discomfort, but also if getting shots now was a good thing or not. I questioned if other problems or side effects would arise and complicate things if I didn’t keep the two separate and deal with one thing at a time. There was some leverage between now and a year from now to receive the state required school vaccinations.

I did not know what I should do, so I did the only thing that I knew to do and that was to pray. As I prayed about the decision to wait, I felt a peace to not have the vaccinations done that day. I had received the answer prior to going to the appointment and was prepared if I felt pressure to have my child get them while in the office. Although it was shared that my child was of age to have them and they were available, surprisingly, the pressure I felt didn’t come from the staff or the doctor, but rather from within myself wanting to ensure I was doing the right thing for my child.

When my child learned about the vaccinations, they were concerned it would hurt. I offered them the option of doing it that day, waiting a few months, or next year and allowing them to weigh in on the decision and choose what they wanted to do. They, too, felt good about waiting. The staff respected our decision.

I am grateful for the peace and comfort I felt proceeding the visit in knowing what I needed to do and I was prepared if I was potentially “put on the spot”. A few times, I did consider and contemplate for a second if what I felt earlier had changed. It had not. I was reminded of the peace I felt to wait. I stood by the original feeling and the answer I had received after prayer and was able to remain unwavering in the conclusion to hold off for the time being.

When have you received an answer to a prayer and you were able to remain unwavering in your decision when you felt pressure or when you were “put on the spot”?

tendermercym♥ments~jld